Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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