Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
