never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
