last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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