I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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