Christians are straight up FREAKS
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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