you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shame - the story of my life.
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