God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
