we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
