Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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