I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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