Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
