A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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