I need help removing her.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
