Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
