I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
