Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its about making memories worth repressing
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
