So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
