just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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