I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
