I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
