Swine flu. Run for my life!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
