He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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