70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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