someone owes me an orgasm
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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