I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
