You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
