The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
