I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
