we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
