my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
