my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
