btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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