it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
