I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
