Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
