I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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