i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
