i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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