I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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