I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
