My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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