Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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