To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
