I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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