Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
