I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
