He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
