a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
