He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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