it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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