He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
