you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
