Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
