Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This baby is an asshole
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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