I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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