Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
