she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
