That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
