I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
