This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
