to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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