dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
